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Living With Skin Cancer: Embracing A Mindset of Self-Compassion

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  For most of my adult life, I have dealt with pesky skin spots and minor skin growths. A trip to the dermatologist has always remedied these nuisances with a quick freezing or a simple shaving .   Unfortunately, over the past fifteen years, the basal cell carcinomas which were easily treated on my back, legs, and upper chest began to surface on my scalp. While recuperating at home the last few days after an eighth surgery on my scalp, I am well-aware that my journey with skin cancer thus far may not be as life-threatening as with individuals who are suffering from other kinds of cancer, chronic illnesses, or serious conditions. Nonetheless, I believe in the concept of shared suffering and in the healing connections which draw us together.   Therefore, my message is two-fold. I have learned that I am not be able to control the progression or the outcome of living with skin cancer. However, I can embrace a mindset of self-compassion. Let’s explore three healing properties of Emb
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Where Is Your Beauty ?

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On Saturday, March 30th, 2024, I had the honor of competing in  Ms Senior California Pageant .  I participated in this beautiful pageant to model the importance of   Showing Up For Your Self  ! For my talent, I wrote and performed an orginal poem Where Is Your Beauty? This message is for everyone, regardless of age or gender! Where Is Your Beauty? Where is your beauty? Be still. Turn inward. It’s there. How is that possible?   Beauty is birthed from within. Its genesis?  A seed of self-worth. Waiting to be nourished and nurtured.   At first, the seed is watered and fed by others. Nutrients of Love. Compassion. Protection. Encouragement. The seed of self-worth takes root.   Time passes.  A stem of worth emerges. Fed with Confidence. Strength. Belonging. Acceptance. The essence of inner beauty begins to form.    All growth faces resistance. Outside forces can be cruel. Even forces close to us. As the stem of worth suffers, so does its budding beauty.
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Are You Showing Up For Your Self? 3 Reasons For Doing So!

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I'm so excited! On March 30th, 2024,  I will be participating in the  Ms. Senior California Age of Elegance Pageant! Before you chuckle or secretly judge me, I want you to know that I am doing this because I have learned the importance of Showing Up For My Self! And not just as a senior female, but throughout my entire adult life. And so, I pose this question to you – Are You Showing Up For Your Self ?   3  Reasons For Doing So! One: You Respect Your Self When you show up for Your Self,   You Respect Your Self.   This means that you take really good care of Your Self in all areas of your life.   For example, you make it a priority to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You Respect Your Self by pursuing your interests, abilities, and talents. You Respect Your Self by staying true to who you are and what is important to you. There are many reasons why individuals don't take good care of themselves or lose interest in doing so . There is one reason, however
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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Three

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  Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Three If you have not read Part One , begin here. If you have not read Part Two , begin here.   Session Three: Our Relationship: Past and Present When Yvonne, Sally and I greeted one another, there was a noticeable lightness in the air. Although I felt a sense of relief, I knew that processing the questions from their homework also required additional vulnerability and complete honesty. After a few moments of small talk, we dove into the assignment. I reminded Yvonne and Sally that after each one shared her answers, the other would again utilize the “reflective listening phrases” when responding. The six questions were arranged in a specific order. Although no one question was easier than another, the serious nature around each question deepened from #1 to #6, as did its potential for healing the relationship moving forward. The first few questions centered around how Daughter and Mother each felt about herself in her ro
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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Two

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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part Two If you have not read Part One , please begin reading.  Session Two: The Me You Cannot See A week later, Yvonne and Sally entered my office.   Immediately, a thick anxious energy filled the room. We settled into our chairs, with Yvonne and Sally facing one another. I sat to the side between them. I began the session with some deep breathing exercises. We closed our eyes, relaxed our bodies, and released the tense energy among us. In our private sessions, Yvonne had shared with me that whenever she tried to talk to her mom in the past about the abuse, her mom always defended or excused her behaviors around not protecting Yvonne.   So, before Yvonne shared her betrayal narrative, I provided Sally with a list of “reflective listening phrases” – such as “I hear you saying ….” Or “Could you tell me more…I want to understand…“   I also modeled this reflective listening skill for Sally as she would be asked to respond to her daug
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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part One

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Daughter and Mother: A Story of Healing and Hope - Part One  Introduction As a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years, until several weeks ago I had never witnessed in a therapeutic session such profound healing and hope that took place between a daughter and her mother.   Both women were vulnerable – filled with “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” (Brene Brown).   Both women were brave. Both women were willing to trust the process. The Daughter and Mother session was an extension of my work with my client – the Daughter, who I will call Yvonne . In a prior blog, Shame: It Was Never Yours To Carry , I introduced Yvonne as a young woman who described the genesis of her painful, abusive childhood in words I had never before heard: “I was born into Shame.” In our ensuing sessions, Yvonne demonstrated her commitment and courage to her recovery. She and I processed her layers of Shame. Throughout her entire life as a child, adolescent, and teen years, Yvonne was a v
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SHAME - It Was Never Yours To Carry

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I have been working in the field of psychology as a Marriage and Family Therapist for over 25 years. In my work with clients healing from all kinds of abuse, trauma, and betrayal, I have never heard the words a client spoke to me a few weeks ago. They shook me to my core.   "I WAS BORN INTO SHAME"  As I do with most of my clients who are healing from painful wounding incurred within their families of origin, I tenderly begin by helping them peel away their Outer Layers of Shame.  The Outer Layers of Shame are the messages we tell oursleves about ourselves, our worth, and our value. These messages are formed from our life experiences.  You see, even though their injuries and injustices were inflicted upon them, it is human nature for victims to feel responsible, to feel it is their fault, and thus, to feel tremendous Shame. It is common to hear these life messages from clients: "I am not enough. I don't matter. I'm to blame. I am worthless." And so, it was d
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